Thursday, July 29, 2010

Review of an Attempted Viewing: Battlefield Earth (2000)

Is that a terrible movie in your pants or are you just happy to see me Travolta?
Hoooly sh*t. So I was recently dared to endure the pain of the infamously awful Battlefield Earth. I was strolling through F.Y.E. today and saw a copy for $1.97. "What the hell?", I thought. Let me begin with a Synopsis. Battlefield Earth was a science fiction novel written by L. Ron Hubbard in 1982. Hubbard also composed a soundtrack to the novel and literally named it Space Jazz, no joke. The novel takes place on earth in the year 3000, a time in which earth is run by an alien race that has virtually enslaved and almost completely exterminated the entire human race. Humans are ready to fight back. The novel brought about much controversy due to the fact that the church of scientology reportedly bought a ridiculous amount of copies of the book, resulting in it earning 1.5 million dollars by 1983. John Travolta, a scientologist himself, decided immediately upon reading the book that he wanted to make a movie adaptation. This brings us to the year 2000 in which Travolta produced, starred, and obtained a director (Roger Christian) for the film. I wish that I could give the film zero stars, but that would require I finish watching the film. I did not. In the first 20 minutes of the film (which is all I could endure), I witnessed an impressively dreadful performance from the not-so-dreadful Barry Pepper. I was in awe at the scene transactions resembling a Power-Point presentation. Additionally, I simply cannot comprehend the thought process of the costume department issuing costumes equivalent to an eight year-olds halloween wear. And finally, Travolta's god-awful acting was no shock, but I may never view the once promising Forest Whitaker the same ever again. I'm pretty sure this film was an attempt to brainwash the human race into buying into Travolta's fantasy, but those crazy aliens will never get this guy. Battlefield Earth is to the film industry what Hitler is to Germany's reputation. I watched 20 minutes of this film so that you don't have to watch any of it. You're Welcome.

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